Summer has been so crazy so far. I don't miss college as much as I thought I would, but I have seen my friends from school about as much as I saw them (sans prom weekend)

I don't feel like writing now

I am listening to Bob Dylan though.

You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

Beth Ann knows how to make devout Catholics dissapear. That's all I'm saying.

Summer rules. I like the Franklin time machine, it's just funny to me now. Everything was always a joke to me though, wasn't it?

it's the last day of my freshman year of college.

Packing up my life

Tearing down the pictures pasted to my walls

And after tonight

I can never call myself 18 again

I'm going to write in here again, I think. Half because I need to and half because I want to. Half because I know no one reads this anymore and half because I'm sure someone will.

If I had recorded myself this year, who would I have recorded?

Watching myself metamorphisise and end up where I'd began.

Circling memories I'm trying to avoid

Would I have ever believed it would all turn out this way? To think of whispering my fate to some former self is undoable, I was so different then, the before picture. And what is it that happened to me? It will answer to the name of disillusionment, but I don't think that's quite it.

I will miss the room. I will miss my window view, watching sunsets and the river, revealed in a corner of the sky. It seems strange to think of someone else calling this place home. I become possesive of it as I wipe the dirt from the floor and empty trash cans full of memories.